&&& it took me this fucking long.

Wow. It has only been recently I've figured out that "drugs are bad" for you. Obviously they ARE bad. We all know that. But I've never actually taken in any recognition of stopping, nor have I actually put any effort into quitting. Honestly...I think I've experienced just too much in my lifetime and I'm only 15. I know, others would probably say otherwise. And when I say too much, I literally mean too much. SexDrugsAndRocknRoll and all that crap. Haha, I like how I put that in context.

Today Kate came over. She was telling me how pissed of she was at her parents for deleting her nexus account. I don't blame them considering Kate does put it on herself. She is the one who makes it harder on herself, not her parents. Sometimes I don't even like the way she talks about her parents cuz they seem like really nice people. I know they are. They care about her so fucking much, I'm jealous. I wish my mum would care like that, and I wish my father were back to CARE. She just doesn't get it. It's like comparing Kate to a third world country. Wow, Kate has had alot in her life, for atleast 14-15 years now. She takes all of it for granted. I mean, we all have our bad days and we all get cranky some days. But nooooooo, Kate gets cranky almost every other day and bitches at me about Eric, or bitches at me about how much she hates her parents. It's so irritating sometimes, but I put up with all of it because she is my best friend. I care about her alot, and I love that girl to death. She's awesome - And she's taught me alot. What to be, and not to be, who to trust and who not to...there's just countless things I've learned with and from her. I am pretty glad she's in my life.

And she still bitches at me about throwing away all that E. Truthfully, I couldn't of believed it myself, but I did. I threw away ecstasy. It might just be one of the smartest things I have ever done or will ever do. It doesn't even matter if like doing drugs or not. It's just something to do. Because I am an idiotic moron who usually has nothing to do and life just seems to boring without drugs. I can't recall the last time I've done majorly hardcore drugs. Ecstasy? Yeah, about a month ago. Maybe. I hardly remember. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I did that day just because I was completely depressed and drunk that night off Martin's party - I just needed an escape and I needed to be happy. And of course, it made me very happy. Very happy.

But my smiles are fake. I put on this gay smile everyday like nothing is wrong, but the truth is that everything is wrong. I'm not trying to be emo right now. Everybody is fucked up in one way or another, you just need to learn how to cope. I've been more optimistic about things now. Or atleast I'm trying harder every single day.

Do you know why?


Because good things come to those who wait.